love you, koshi : )

just as i said yesterday, don't want koshi to suffer anymore, and today he didn't anymore. Walked to the backyard to feed the boys, and saw koshi lying on his side, not moving.. obviously i knew what happened, but still, i was ambivalent whether to really feel sad or not. i checked whether he was really gone, but it was clear after his chest was not moving and his body felt really cold. i thought that i would feel more relieved, that he doesn't have to be in pain anymore, but still, to think that i went inside yesterday and made myself not go outside so that i don't have to face the fact that i'm neglecting him by not taking him to the vet, or even thinking that my stupid exams was more important, that i did not really have to make him better as soon as i can. i guess i didn't realise how bad a condition he was in, until i saw all the rough skin all over his side, and under his mouth. the saddest thing was that his eyes was still opened when he died, and you can see that he didn't go in his sleep. can't believe i just neglected him just because he had recovered previously, and because of some lazy hope, -thought- that the same thing will somehow happen again, even though i saw how he couldn't even eat or move properly. i'm so sadddddd!
i will always remember the pudgy, overweight, guinea pig who greeted me with a really girly squeak whenever i stepped into the garage and posed by putting one of his front paws on top of each other when i took a picture of him. the one i always made fun of cause he always looked like an tubby gay guinea pig. i'll remember you forever, my first real pet.